California Delta Smelt

by Eric Robertson

Hey! Listen to Me!

I am a CALIFORNIA DELTA SMELT and I am tired of all these big ass, dangerous, just plain WEIRD creatures getting all the attention.

I mean do you have to be a whale to get saved?

All you people want is biggest, fastest, most dangerous, MAN-EATING!
It all sounds like some cheap porn site to me.

So the blue whale has a heart as big as a Volkswagon beetle
and the green mamba's bite will kill a man in seven seconds.
Does everything have to be in the Guiness Book of World Records for someone to pay attention? I mean do you actually have any idea how hard it is to lay 2000 eggs?

So I've Caused Some Trouble
and people can't use their jet skis everywhere
and farmers can't grow watermelons in the desert.
Well whoop te do! Is anybody dying over it?

I guess I should! That is what you'd like, huh?
If I just laid down and died.
You'd like to see my little white belly floating on top, wouldn't you?
Let's just forget about MY ANCESTORS and the millions and millions of
generations came before ME!

This is all about YOU!
Getting' the water YOU need
getting' the water for YOUR party pontoons,
to grow YOUR geraniums, to take YOUR warm, soothing,
two-hour-long BATHS.

This is all about YOU and that beautiful, crystal-clear, twice-scrubbed
water YOU NEED to flush down YOUR doo-doos.

I'm just a fishy little SMELT.
Go ahead forget me.You've got Shamu and Coco
and your cute little Ling-ling.

Watch your tv reruns of
Steve Irwin grabbing snakes by the tail
dangling his baby in front of alligators.
See if I care!

You just do what you do and never-mind exterminating me.
I'm just a little California delta smelt.